People are Complicated
There are a couple of thoughts that keep circling in my head at the moment — why do I still keep taking photographs, why is it important to me, why do I have to think about why it's important to me rather than just getting on with it and enjoying the moment.
And then I think about a fashion designer I follow, Amy Smilovic. Amy spends a lot of time via social media helping people discover how best to express their personal style through the clothes they choose to wear.
Rather than dividing people into boxes along the conventional lines of age, gender, body shape and job, Amy asks us to figure out how we want to feel in our clothes. Not only that, she wants us to think about what you are like as a person — are you quiet, extrovert, creative, confident, that sort of thing. It's no good dressing up in a tight red dress and heels because someone told you to show off your figure when the person you are loves to be outdoors doing outdoor things. Personal style is very important to her.
“When I ask people to tell me about their style, they might say, “I like to wear mid-length skirts, and I hate heels.” What I’m really asking is, “What are you like as a person?” When you start to peel that back, other hackneyed style terms like “feminine,” “sexy,” and “edgy” disappear from the conversation. Those are one-dimensional terms, and most people I know are much more complicated than that.”
I'm trying to figure out why these thoughts keep coming up. Do they connect?
When my youngest daughter started school full-time, many people said to me, You'll have so much time on your hands! What will you do all day?
In my family we divided up our time and chores along traditional lines: I would stay at home looking after our children and attending to domestic work while my husband attended to the company he owned (and still owns) working hard for our family income.
When I was asked that question time and time again, I began to feel the need to justify my day. I felt unable to shrug off the judgements.
It needled me, that bloody question for many years. I felt I had failed all the women that had come before me in my family, those who worked so hard holding down a full-time job as well as being a parent sometimes in very difficult circumstances. That I had given up on following a career to do the most conventional thing of all; raise a family.
I went back to university to study for a MA in Photography encouraged by a friend of mine. Halfway through I knew I didn't fit. Yet being a stubborn person (and also desperately not wanting to fail) I finished and graduated and thought this would help me find a new direction. It did. But not in the way I thought.
Amy's thoughts around personal style resonate with many people who follow her and buy her clothes. She writes not just about clothing and fashion but also about those hidden feelings we have about who we are and how we want other people to see us. She encourages us to ignore those who judge us. She understands it takes some deep soul-searching to find that confidence.
It's taken a long time to feel a little more at ease with my choices and where I am in my life. I still take photographs because I love to. I've also discovered a love for writing. I know deep in my heart that, for me, for my family, our choices were right for us.
We are all many things, wearing many hats and making decisions that may or may not be right for us. We mustn't judge ourselves or others for where we are in our lives — people are much more complicated than that.
Photo: Looking over Jamieson Valley in the Blue Mountains, Australia 2024
