Looking Fear in the Eye
Are you holding on to fears about your creativity & writing? Try this three-point plan by Beth Pickens.
Forest in Deep Cove, BC. Photo: Tanya Clarke 2018
There I am standing on a tiny platform, a harness strapped around my body and up between my legs.
We're up high. High enough that the platform we're standing on, built around a tall tree, sways a little in the wind. High enough I can see way above the forest canopy right down to the sea. My fingers are holding onto the rope in a tight grip. I'm acutely aware of reading somewhere that grip strength correlates to heart health. And my heart was pumping now.
A Fear of Heights
Somehow my family had persuaded me to take part on a zipline adventure:
Zip across a total of eight ziplines, ranging from 150ft/45m to 1000ft/305m in length
Experience the forest canopy as you traverse our 100ft suspension bridge
Platform and zipline heights range from 60ft/18m to 150ft/45m
I hate heights. I'm not sure when this started. It feels like a slow gradual fear that's been building up over time. I'll stand way back from a floor to ceiling window in a high rise building. I have no desire to look down at the tiny people and cars on the street far below.
Once upon a time long ago, way back before we had responsibilities and before we had children, my husband and I did a canyon swing. Somewhat like a bungee jump with an additional long swing across a canyon. Freefalling for sixty metres, all I could do was scream.
I don't know what I was thinking.
And now here I am looking out across the final zipline. The people on the other end have survived. Hopefully, I will too.
What Are You Afraid Of?
Fear; panic or distress caused by a sense of impending danger. Or so my dictionary tells me. My daughter as a six-year-old described her nervousness as the ghosts haunting her tummy.
Where does all this fear come from? It's hard-wired into our bodies and our brains. The adrenaline, the fight or flight response, the ancient part of our brain (the amygdala) that bypasses rational thought. All of this comprises the incredible system of survival our human bodies have developed through evolution.
But. Fear as we all know doesn't necessarily mean running at full speed away from danger. Fear in our modern times often comes from within us. The voice in our heads that tells us we're no good or my mother will hate this or everyone will laugh at me or I’m a failure. And so on. And some of those fears might surface when you try to write. They might even stop you from starting.
“If you really want to write and you’re struggling to get started, you’re afraid of something. What is that fear?”
—Margaret Atwood Teaches Creative Writing - Masterclass
Failure & Rejection
Beth Pickens discusses fear in her book Make Your Art No Matter What. Beth is a creative counsellor guiding artists making work in all sorts of media. From visual artists to musicians to writers to performers, she provides mental health support, helping them to achieve their goals. She says the number one fear (after repeated questioning) is dying alone and penniless. Does this resonate with you? Writers, particularly are vulnerable to feelings of failure and rejection. It can be difficult to separate the person you are from the creative work you make. Your identity can get unhealthily tied up with your work rather than the person you actually are and try to be.
You may have good reason to feel these fears that have developed over time from your culture, your family of origin and your lived experience. If you have the economic where-with-all, therapy is massively helpful. If not Beth Pickens has a kind and practical strategy to navigate those pesky feelings of fearfulness. Beth has kindly given me permission to include an edited version of her three-point plan. Let's take a look.
A Three-Point Plan to Overcome Your Fears
“My favorite plan for dealing with fear is something I’ve heard floating around 12-step programs and various therapies for years: the three As, which are awareness, acceptance, and action. ”
— p.92 Make Your Art No Matter What by Beth Pickens
Awareness
Make a fears list.
You can do this in any way that makes sense to you. Bullet points, voice memo, drawing, collage. You get the idea.
You need to become aware of your fears. Identify them. And there will be more than one. This might take a little time and if you're anything like me just trying to identify a fear and naming it can feel almost impossible. Take a step back. Get curious about what your fears are and the emotions circling around them.
Acceptance
Your fears are just thoughts. Unless, of course, you are running away from impending danger. But for these purposes, your fears are just thoughts. And thoughts come and go. You won't get rid of your fears. Not entirely. That is not the goal here. The goal is to accept your fears and not give them the fuel to become bigger in your head. Accepting your fears is a non-judgmental process. No fear is better or worse than another. Some might provide you with information to make better choices.
“They are not evidence you are bad or weak. They are an indication that you are a person, having a human experience. The discomfort, shame or guilt that your group of fears produces should also be included in your radical acceptance. Acknowledge all of it, in its totality and say, “Hello, old friends.”
— p.93/94 Make Your Art No Matter What by Beth Pickens
Action
At this point, you've identified your fears and accepted them. So now what? Take action.
“Action is important when it comes to fears related to your art practice. In order to be free and to evolve, your work needs to have space surrounding it, and fear is suffocating and constricting. Fear keeps us small and unwilling to take up space, take risks, be vulnerable, be seen. ”
— p.97 Make Your Art No Matter What by Beth Pickens
Beth offers up an idea: contrary action. I know this as ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. Do the thing you're afraid of. Step out onto that high zipline platform I talked about at the start of all this. And let yourself go.
If I hadn't stepped out onto that platform I wouldn't have seen the beauty of the temperate rainforest that British Columbia is so famous for. If I hadn't stepped out onto the platform, my daughters would have seen me letting my fear of heights take over from doing something exciting. Stepping out onto that platform allowed all of us to share an experience.
If this seems a lot, try the 'And Then What' exercise.
Take one of your fears and state what you're afraid of. Then ask yourself, And Then What? Keep going with the next and the next and the next.
For example:
I'm afraid of publishing this post. And Then What?
I'm afraid of what people might think. And Then What?
I'm afraid no one will read it. And Then What?
I'm afraid it's a sign I'm a terrible writer. And Then What?
I'm afraid I'll give up. And Then What?
I'm afraid I'll never write again. And Then What?
I'm afraid I'll die alone and penniless.
As you're now reading this post, you'll know I stepped out onto that platform, looked fear in the eye and published it anyway.
Until next time.
